a season of losing control

If you know me, you know one of my favorite podcasts right now is for the healthy hoes. I was listening on my morning walk one day and the host Ri said “losing control gave me all the control i needed”…. when I tell you I literally stopped walking and was taken aback LOL. It’s like she unlocked what I’ve been trying to articulate for so long.

I’ve touched on this in previous blogs but last year around this time was when I started romanticizing and creating the life I wanted to live. The year prior was…I don’t even know the correct adjective to embody the loss and pain I experienced. I lost all control. Everything I usually have control over literally crumbled out of my hands. As an overplanner, overthinker, type A girl, miss do it all…. not having control made me feel like I lost myself. What sza’s mom say! “That is my greatest fear. That if, I lost control or did not have control, things would just, you know…I would be fatal!!!”

The season of losing control taught me so much…

– “Focus on what you can control.” I’ve preached this for so long but it wasn’t until I actually lost control that I understood the true meaning. The phrase actually means focus on what you can control AND let go of the rest. I was still holding on to all of that excess baggage and it was only causing me stress. Focusing on what I can control means simply focusing on myself. What feeds me, what helps me grow, what builds resilience regardless of what’s going on, what helps me become my best self every day. Losing control made space for me to focus on what’s important. I learned to simply focus on myself and the life I know God has for me. I learned to let go of the ideas that no longer serve me and let go of the baggage God removed for a reason.

– Perspective is EVERYTHING. After leaving the job I just knew was the perfect first step to achieving my dream job, dropping out of grad school, packing up my first big girl, dream apartment and moving back in with my mom…? I thought I lost my mind and was hopeless but losing all of that control gave me ALL the control I needed. It was that summer at my moms house where I gained control of myself and my mind. For so long I was focused on controlling all of these exterior, material things when all along my inner being just needed some love and attention. I began to build resilience and make positive change no matter the outside chaos. I began to fill myself with gratitude and I felt so fulfilled even though those outside factors I was so used to controlling weren’t necessarily where I wanted them to be. But when I surrendered that control, everything began to fall in place.

So if you’re in a season of losing control. Maybe sit and reflect. Focus on what you can control. Not what you think you need to control for validation or to please others. But what does your inner being need to be whole? What do you need to be your best self? Beyond control lies your inner resilience!