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    grieving the old me

    • bynaz
    • -March 20, 2025

    omg, hey, how y’all doing! it’s been a minute. the blog got a makeover! how do you like? okay, let’s get into this update…

    Girl I don’t know if it’s my frontal lobe being fully developed or I’m just in the midst of the healing process but I have been in such a reflective state. To be honest when am I not? But lately it’s been heavyy. I’ve always heard people talk about grieving past versions of themselves but I never knew what they meant until now.

    I definitely feel like I’m in a season of grief. Grieving the old me. Over the past year + I’ve done so much internal work, done so much unlearning and I’m like wow I feel bad for past Naz… I want to save her.

    I was having this conversation with my therapist and she asked me if I think it’s okay to feel bad for past me. And I definitely think so. I give past me grace because she didn’t know half of what I know now and that’s what led her to the decisions and mistakes she made. But at the same time… I won’t lie and say I don’t beat myself up for those mistakes. Like I will replay moments in my head and I’m thinking, there is just NO WAY I let that fly when the writing was written on the wall!!! omg. no boundaries, no self respect. past relationships? platonic & romantic. I’m just like ooo girllll… 

    But seriously lol, I’m constantly reminding myself to let go of the shame and guilt. I was truly doing the best I could do with the knowledge I had. Everyday I give myself space to acknowledge these feelings and to replace the shame with compassion and self understanding.

    The act of evolving can be so hard to see from the inside. People close to me will call out the growth or change in me and I’m like thanks? But I hardly recognize it in the moment. I realized it’s because I’m holding onto old me. In my head I can only be one way. One Naz. In this new season, I realized this life is truly going to cost me my old one. So everyday I welcome redirection and it hasn’t led me astray. I’m learning to be patient with who I’m becoming because I’m experiencing her for the first time.  

    I don’t know about y’all but during this grieving process I’ve been so caught in what I could’ve been but I’m learning to make space for celebration of what was and appreciate what I’ve become. Reminding myself that past mistakes and rough times brought me to where I am today. Like there would literally be no present day me without all the lessons learned. Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow but, I’m learning more and more everyday how necessary the mistakes were. I think one of the most importance steps in this journey is true self acceptance. I’m learning to not chase perfection but chase self acceptance.

    Here’s to being empathetic to past me. She did the best she could with what she had!! 

    if you’re in a grieving season too, here are some affirmations:

    • past mistakes and rough times brought me to who i am
    • i’ve learned to not chase perfection but chase self acceptance
    • every version of me deserves to be celebrated
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    naz

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    Hi, i'm Naz

    I’m Naz, a believer, PR girl by day, beauty creator by night. Here are my notes about life, beauty, faith, and everything in between.

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